A blanket

This is very personal for me to share, i have made a visualisation that has allowed me to breath again

I visualize me wrapping myself in a blanket of my own emotions, i feel i am honoring what is me so much with this

I can breath even deeper and more, i feel roots are growing and i am claiming mtself & life

When i go to work i feel so voided from all i know that comforts me, with this blanket i can include myself in the confusions i feel of my depression & feelings

I deep deeply feel liberated & peace

Serenity & peace to your journey

We are one

Honest. i did not know you were so honest.

I did not know being honest with myself became so freeing, it feels like im flying.

I started to write, and write some poetry too, but my quest was to be honest with myself, what i wrote was very personal to me, and i felt i did nit need to share it all to others, but as i wrote i felt i could only after a while though of letting it marinade within me

Little by little it felt more to me to write

I gave me somethings that i still am discovering, and that is something i never expected

The writing helped define how i feel and even though i had a voice, it gave a voice 

This voice it gave me is different & mysterious, im still learning from it….

Why would sharing things i know in my head already put on paper mean so much?….i do not know it all.

Honesty with myself proved a healing for myself

I have seen myself trying to be perfect, i have seen myself just be angry with the world-i would feel this when i drive and how i think other drivers are always wanting fast speed, i have seen myself just want to be with someone to share the pain

From my notebook:  it started when i started to say sorry for myself and sorry for my suffering, and then it slowly developed into this realization that im done pushing myself to get better

Again im sorry i didnt say the right things, but im sorry for your suffering

It is from the self compassion exercises that i learned to say out loud to myself, that this is a moment of suffering and say what it entails

Im sorry and truely sorry and love you haleh, i have also understood that part if my suffering is the fact that im not completly grateful in every moment for every moment (because that is not perfect) i feel ashamed to feel my guilt for this because i did not know at first & also i feel  that my guilt is not enough and is not true (i feel so numb i just dont know and didnt know how complex it is)

I have understood today that i truely have emotional pain & mental pain

…i think now i can truely accept compassion for myself….there is a love for myself here in this space for myself….  


I have a message from my journey in life

It is to explore your emotions 

This what i have learned from my pain and my journey in life

There was a life in my life when living was really difficult, i did not see a point to my life, instead i accepted my deepest feelings: and that was just that, to honor my feelings this is all i was wanted permission to do, but i felt ashamed for them because they were not perfect nor happy feelings

In the past couple of days, i found that i truely was a ashamed of how i felt inside

I did not know how deep it was, this feeling of being ashamed

Until i realized, i was ashamed because it felt guilty for being ashamed at the same time & guilty for my feelings because it meant that i was not gratefull for every moment of my life 

This was complex, but i understood.  I have a love for life, but it is small and precious & vulnerable.  I felt so content with this complex understand-which took since i was a teenager to understand

My message is to explore your emotions because it is worth the effort & the magnitude of patience will not go unnoticed by your own self

Th explore is to gently step in the journey of life without judging your feelings one way or another, this is how i view it

Lastly, suicide, everyone is worth this gentleness, patience, this love to explore what is truely hurting you, please never ever hurt yourself ever, you are worth the true love that can lift your suffering

I hope my words fall into your lap and nuture you to health & to explore the adventure of your journey